#WednesdayWisdom: I'm Finished.

#WednesdayWisdom is back! This week, let’s talk about a troubling phenomenon that’s making the rounds on social media: the idea of “manifesting”. This term is typically used by that one friend who says “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual,” you know, the friend who swears that burning sage cleanses and protects their household against evil spirits. Listen fam, I don’t know about you, but as for me and MY house, sage goes in spaghetti! 😂 All jokes aside, this word just rubs me the wrong way in a “spiritual” (non-Christian) context. 

I’m a firm believer in, “Speak what you seek until you see what you’ve said”, but I don’t call it manifesting because MAN-ifesting is man-made. My declarations are based on Jeremiah 29:11. God knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future! I speak things over myself according to what the Bible says, and when I ask in His name, His plans unfold in my life according to HIS will, not mine. He knows more than I do. Even if what I think I want now doesn’t “manifest,” all things that happen in my life happen for my good, meaning it’ll all make sense eventually.

MAN-I-FESTation is something that I MANually cause to FESTer—“fester” meaning “to aggravate”. In other words, if I’ve gotta stir it up to make it happen with “MAN” power, I’m living life according to my own will and desires and not what God wants for me. If I’ve gotta stick my hand in it and make it work for me, it’s not for me. If it’s for me, it won’t be manual, it’ll be automatic. That doesn’t negate the work I’ll have to do to maintain it, that just means it’ll happen when and how it’s supposed to as I follow God’s instruction MAN-ual. 

I looked up the biblical meaning of “manifest,” and “manifestation,” and according to Bible Study Tools, it means "to make apparent" (Mark 4:22; John 17:6; Romans 3:21; 1 Timothy 3:16) “very evident" (2 Timothy 3:9), and “prove.”

Image source: Crosswalk

What I’d like to focus on here is “to make apparent,” a definition explained in 1 Timothy 3:16, “Beyond all question, the mystery from which true godliness springs is great: He appeared in the flesh, was vindicated by the Spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory.”

Jesus was the earthly manifestation of God. He was evidence in the flesh that proved that God exists. Jesus is often referred to as the “Son of Man,” and “man” is the root word of “manifestation.” Jesus has already been manifested. He’s already come down to earth and vindicated us of our sins by dying on the cross and rising again on the third day—and just before He died, He declared, “It is finished.” Did y’all catch it yet? If the MAN-ifestation of God said, “It is finished,” then there’s nothing left for you or I to do except to believe that it’s finished. According to Google, the word “finished” means “(of an action, activity, or piece of work) having been completed or ended.” Isaiah 64:8 says, “Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Jesus didn’t say, ‘It was finished,’ or ‘It will be finished’, He said “It IS finished.” That means that we, God’s “pieces of work” are already COMPLETED—we don’t have to wait until tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year to be whole. We can claim wholeness right now.  

I’m about to let you in on a little secret: You don’t need to be anything more than what you are in order to be great. Use what’s already in you! Your purpose is concrete. If you desire to be married, that’s already set in stone, even if you’re currently single. Your career? Solidified. How? Why? Because Jesus said so. Everything you’ve prayed for that aligns with God’s will is ready for you. It’s waiting on the other side of your obedience. I don’t know about you, but I’M FINISHED!

God Never Left Me...And Neither Did My Gifts

I’m still getting back into the swing of this blogging thing. It’s like trying to use muscles that have atrophied, almost like learning how to walk again. The same thing applies when we try to pick up where we left off in our relationship with God. Depending on how long we’ve strayed away from Him, our walk can feel totally new. Whether it’s your first time or 15th time coming to Christ, building and maintaining relationship with Him is not a walk in the park.

Walking with God begins by crawling. Crawling to (or back to) Him, just as we did with our parents when we were babies, and trusting Him to teach us how to stand and walk, knowing that He’ll catch us when we fall. Falling is inevitable, because we’re human, but God will always be there to brace it. Hebrews 13:5 tells us that He will never leave or forsake us.

Image source: Executive Forum

This made me think of one of my favorite songs, “You’ll Never Leave Me,” from gospel artist Will McMillan’s 2018 project, My Story (check out my review of the album here). The song speaks about God as a constant vs. the fickleness of human nature. It’s one of those songs that makes you stop and reflect on where you are in Him.

[Verse 1]:

You’re so consistent at being consistent in Your ways

Your ways

And I’m so consistent at being inconsistent each day

My ways

I’ve made the choice to fall many times

To get up and fall again and again

While Your love shows me how to reach for Your hand every time

There’s SO much to unpack here! First of all, God specializes in consistency. He is the only constant in this ever-changing world. And we were made in His image, but we are not Him. We start things in earnest—setting aside time to read our bibles, to pray, to do what it is He’s called us to do—and then we become overwhelmed, preoccupied, distracted, discouraged make excuses as to why we CHOSE not to finish what we started. The only thing we’re consistent in is inconsistency. God knows this, of course, because He created us—and still, in spite of our lack of follow-through, being the gracious Father that He is, God extends His hand and teaches us how to commune with Him again—and the best part is, each embrace feels like the first time—only deeper.

[Chorus]:

For when I fall

You’re there to catch me

And if I fall again

You’re there to do the same

Lord, You keep Your grace around me

You’ll never leave me

The keyword here is “never.” Webster’s dictionary blessed me on this one! The word “never” means “not ever : at no time; not in any degree; not under any condition.” That means no matter how many times I fall short, no matter how many times I drop the ball, no matter how many times I tell Him I want to quit the thing(s) that He called me to, He. NEVER. Leaves. ME! And His gifts never leave me either. 

The song says:

Even when I’m wrong

Even when I fall

You’re always with me

You’ll never leave me alone

God literally wouldn’t leave me alone about this blog. Every few days during my hiatus, He’d nudge me and ask, “Why aren’t you writing?” I’d come up with some lame excuse, and each time He’d say, “Do as you’re told.” And then He let me sit there and think about what He said and what I was doing. Still, He was gracious enough to wait until I was ready, and now, He’s giving me fresh oil to write again. 

A word of encouragement for those who are having trouble picking up where they left off: If God called you to it, DO IT! Just because you haven’t used your gift in a while doesn’t mean you’ve lost it. It just needs a good stir!

Watch a live performance of "You'll Never Leave Me" below:

Is This The End? Finding The River in the Desert

"See, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not be aware of it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." - Isaiah 43:19, Modern English Version (MEV)

Hey guys! Long time, no see, yet again. I know, at this point I sound like a broken record, but I’m back to blogging. Full disclosure: I’m currently attempting to write my way through the worst case of writer’s block I’ve ever had. I really thought about closing this blog, because I didn’t feel like I had anything else to say. I got tired of being the encourager, especially during a season where I felt like God was doing nothing. The season I’m in is not good or bad, it’s just...neutral, a season of in-between. Now that I feel like I’m nearing the end of this limbo and change is finally on the horizon, I’m in a place where I can write about it.

For the first half of this year, I felt purposeless. I lost focus and felt like I wasn’t getting anything accomplished. Life overwhelmed me and I felt lost and overlooked. I didn’t know where I was going, so I just stopped and sat on my gifts. In the middle of all this, I was taking membership classes to join my church, First Baptist Church of Glenarden. I was going to church every Sunday and being stirred by every message, but as soon as I walked out of the sanctuary, I felt empty again (and I had stopped reading my Bible). I started to think that all the endeavors I’d devoted myself to would amount to nothing. I felt frustrated and stuck and angry at God—like I was in a desert—and then I got re-planted.

The last week of July was very transformative for me. On July 23rd, I got (re)baptized. This was very important to me because unlike the baptism I received as a baby during christening, this one symbolized a conscious rededication to Christ after 19 years of salvation. I was dipped in the water, and those who watched told me I came up fighting. I think this was partly due to the fact that I can’t swim, so I was trying not to drown 🙃, but as I was immersed, I felt something break. The breakthrough that took place in the water was evident later that week, when I attended the YouthFest: Planted conference at City of Praise Family Ministries in Landover, MD. The conference spanned three nights, and each night I felt more and more free. Night one set the tone for the rest of the conference. A fire word was brought forth by the renowned Apostle Dr. Matthew L. Stevenson III, prefaced by worship from psalmist Chandler Moore. Chandler’s been on my list of must-see artists for a while now, so I was excited to see him live. He set the worship atmosphere with a melodic declaration of “You’re here right now,” and seamlessly segued into one of my favorites, Jesus Culture’s “Holy Spirit”. I captured the opening moments in the video below:

After that, I was unable to record any more, because God wanted my full attention on the next song Chandler sang, “The Isaiah Song.” I had heard this song when it was first released in June of last year as an EP. Honestly, I listened to it once or twice on YouTube and forgot about it, but we all know certain songs hit differently depending on the season we’re in—and this particular night, it hit me HARD.

If you know me, you know that I can usually memorize lyrics to a song very quickly—and by “quickly”, I mean, I can hear a song once, and the second time I hear it, I can sing along to almost every word. I’ve been doing it since I was old enough to sing—actually, since I was old enough to hum. Before I could memorize lyrics, I memorized melodies, and I was humming long before I could talk. With “The Isaiah Song,” it was different. The melody sounded familiar, but I couldn’t remember the lyrics at all. It was like I was hearing the song for the first time.

I wanted to sing along with Chandler, so I relied on the IMAX projector inside the church and read the lyrics as I sang. At some point in the song, the lyrics began to lag. They flashed on the screen about 10 seconds after Chandler had moved on to the next line...but somehow, I was still singing along. as I belted out the chorus, something in my spirit leaped, and my body followed suit. 

[Chorus]:

Sing, sing

O barren Land! 

Water is coming to the thirsty!

Though you are empty

I am the well

Draw from Me, I will provide

Those lyrics permeated my soul and spoke DIRECTLY to the creative drought I’ve been experiencing. I just completely lost control of my body and started leaping in time with the music. This had me shook, because I am a black woman with NO rhythm whatsoever. Like, that gene completely skipped me. I stick out like a sore thumb at every family reunion because I can’t line dance to save my life. I can barely even wave my hand on beat. And I don’t shout. Ever. It was a total out-of-body experience and I was being moved by the Holy Spirit, but the whole time, I was thinking, “I know I look real crazy right about now...” Ultimately, I didn’t care. God knew I needed that. I felt so free!

The next day, I bought the EP on iTunes and listened to it nonstop. The Planted conference rerooted me, and that Sunday, the last Sunday in July, I got the right hand of fellowship at FBCG.

I’ve been meditating on “The Isaiah Song” for two weeks now, as a companion to the book of Isaiah, and I feel myself recharging. Each time I hear, “Yes, you will write again!/ Yes, you will create again!”I am wrecked to the core. The song says, “You’re making ways in the wilderness!/ You’re making rivers in the desert!”And He is. Somebody somewhere needs what I’ve got, so I will write again. I AM writing again. I’m writing my way through the wilderness right now—even when I don’t feel like it, because our faith says we don’t live according to how we feel. We live according to what we know, and I know that this is what God has called me to do. I’m not fully charged yet, and I’ll be honest, it feels weird getting back out there—but we all have to (re)start somewhere. What I’m learning in this season is that I don’t have to keep my testimony to myself just because I’m still being tested. Sometimes, people need to see it unfold as you work your way through it. It’s more relatable that way. So, even though writing is uncomfortable right now, I rest in knowing that the more I do it, the more smoothly it will flow. In time, it will come naturally again. God will give me the words to say. He will tell me what to write, because He is the source that I draw from. He is the well that never runs dry, and He will continue to provide. And to think, this whole time, He’s just been waiting on me to show Him that I’m thirsty.

                                                                                          Until next time,

                                                                       Siobhan

Check out the official video for “The Isaiah Song” below:

His, Theirs, & Ours: The Insecurity of Being “Somebody’s”

Hey y’all! Long time no see, I know, but life has been crazy lately. Grad school and moving and finals, oh my! Anyway, I had to come out of hiatus to talk about what’s been plastered all over social media this week: The Ayesha Curry debate. After combing through all the tabloids and reading the clapback that Ayesha posted on her Instagram, I decided to gather my thoughts into this post. It’s a lot to ponder, so grab a snack and let’s chat.

From the outside looking in, it seems like Ayesha Curry has it all. As wife to THE Stephen Curry, she’s basically basketball royalty, standing beside him in the center of a God-fearing household raising their three children—all while being a girl boss and chef extraordinaire—and looking great doing it. And did I mention she’s only 30? Man, she’s got it made!—or so we thought. On Monday’s episode of Jada Pinkett Smith’s “Red Table Talk”, Ayesha spoke candidly about the insecurity she feels when she gets “zero male attention” while women are “throwing themselves” at her husband.

Ayesha Curry / The Undefeated (GLAD)

Everybody and their auntie had something to say about this, and most of them were throwing stones in glass houses 🐸☕️ but I think it all boils down to a personal problem. Yes, Steph is faithful to Ayesha. Yes, he’s “the man” in the NBA right now. Yes, he seems to be a wonderful father and provider, and I’m sure he tells her she’s beautiful all the time. And yes, it’s also true that she’s a public figure in her own right...but this is an internal issue. 

The bottom line is, even when your husband isn’t Steph Curry, there’s a whole lot that comes with being “somebody’s”. And in Ayesha’s case, there’s even more pressure. Steph was her first and only. When they got married (very young), she became Steph’s wife (and all that comes with that) and Sonya & Dell’s daughter-in-law (and all that comes with that). As they grew their family, her title shifted to Riley, Ryan & Cannon’s mom (and all that comes with that). As two lives join together, individual identity, especially for women, becomes multifaceted. This is why it’s SO important to discover and KNOW yourself before marriage, so you won’t completely lose who you are when two merge to become one. 

If truth really be told, everybody has some level of insecurity. Ayesha Curry just said out loud what ALL of us (including men!) actually feel, but are afraid to admit even to ourselves, let alone the whole world. ***(I say “including men” because I saw way too many brothers calling out a double standard here. If the shoe was on the other foot and Steph had said these things while Ayesha was in the forefront, my views would be the same.).

Ayesha’s sentiments made me appreciate my singleness all the more. Her comments helped me see why it’s important to be firmly rooted in Christ before (and especially during) marriage. We will always be His (God’s) but in marriage, especially as wives, we are expected to be his (our husband’s) and theirs (our kids’), leaving little to no room for ourselves. Singleness is our time to enjoy being “ours” while we still can.

It’s easy to lose sight of who you are when your identity is so deeply intertwined with someone else’s. In marriage, that interwoven-ness is beautiful and should be healthy—but you are entitled to save a little bit of you for yourself. That doesn’t mean entertaining other people, or sliding into or answering people’s DMs or even WANTING them to approach  you when you’re married (because adultery and emotional soul ties are REAL) but sometimes you just need to take some time to remember that the original “you” is in there somewhere. I’ve seen comments from women saying “Give me a Steph Curry and I’ll be happy!” and men saying the reason they wouldn’t approach Ayesha because they respect Steph & she’s already being “taken care of.” What people are missing here is that this has absolutely nothing to do with how Steph treats Ayesha and everything to do with how Ayesha treats herself. Her validation should not come from men—not even Steph. It’s an INNER battle, and it’s deeper than just a need for attention.

The point is, titles, bodies, and even marriages evolve and shift with time. The old you is beautiful, and so is the new one, but who you were/are in singleness isn’t/will not be who you are in marriage—and that’s okay. You’ll change in many ways as life progresses, for better or for worse—but no matter how much evolution takes place, one thing stays the same: The foundation of your identity is always firm in Jesus. You will always be validated, confirmed, and affirmed by Him. In sum, let he (or she) that is without insecurities cast the first Tweet. Instead of bringing Ayesha down, let her comments encourage you to search your own heart and, if need be, to reintroduce yourself to YOU.

Souled Out vs. Sellout: For Profit or Purpose?

Last Saturday (January 5th), I attended Bishop T.D. Jakes’ annual leadership training at First Baptist Church of Glenarden in Upper Marlboro, MD. As an aspiring leader myself, I was excited to soak up every morsel of wisdom Bishop Jakes shared—and he left me with quite a bit to ponder, especially concerning recording artists, gospel artists in particular. The nugget I’m sharing in this post was specifically geared toward business(wo)men, but since I view the gospel music industry as both a lucrative business and a calling, I found it to be applicable in this context as well. Bishop Jakes framed his discussion with the analogy of a boat. He said (paraphrased), God didn’t just give you the “boat” (job, placement, etc.) as a way to make a living. He wants to use it as His platform. Maybe the “boat” is not about the fish, maybe it’s about moving Jesus.

Here’s my interpretation of that as a supporter of Kingdom music: Gospel artists, also referred to as psalmists and worship leaders, need not get caught up in how many “fish” they can catch just for likes and lit Instagram stories. The purpose of your boat is not fishing for attention, you’re fishing for lost souls. It’s your job to reel them in to Him.

Image source: Act Media

That analogy was lost on some people, so Bishop Jakes dissected it even further, this time using business lingo. He explained that God is an investor, and investors look to make profits. For clarification, he defined profit as “what is left when a transaction is over,” and then he asked the audience, “What is [God’s] return on you?...If God is a businessman, how does He protect His return on your life, and how do you make His investment profitable? What does it profit God to bless you? You can’t rip off your partner and expect to stay in business!” This really resonated with me because there’s a fine line between being souled out for Jesus and being a sellout...and there’s an even finer line between doing gospel music as a business venture and sharing the Gospel with God’s people. 

One of the things I’ve learned in supporting Kingdom artists (and secular artists, for that matter) is the danger of the swollen ego. If I meet an artist, especially a gospel artist, with a decent voice AND a decent heart (which, I might add, is a very rare combination), I pray that God will never let them realize the magnitude of the gift they possess—because once they realize how big the gift is, the ego inflates as well—sometimes so much so that the gift itself is swallowed up, and pride and entitlement take its place. The swollen ego is dangerous because when it becomes bigger than the gift, the glory begins to shift away from God and transfers to the vessel. The gift is God-given, the ego is man-driven. Slowly but surely, if it is not checked at the door, the artist loses focus and becomes fueled by awards and accolades and disregards Gods stamp of (dis)approval. The Bible says in James 1:17 (NIV) that, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” The gift can be perfect because it was bestowed to the vessel by a God who is perfect in all of His ways. It is possible for the gift to be completely unflawed; however, the vessel is riddled with imperfections. Why? Because it is physically impossible for us to be exactly like God. We were merely made in His image. If we could perform miracles for ourselves, we wouldn’t need Him!

Speaking of our need for God, the concept of gift-giving highlighted something for me: The same way humans have free will in life, we are given the freedom to govern our gifts. According to Google, the word gift, a noun, is defined as “a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.” God is not an Indian-giver. Very rarely does He give a gift and take it away, and once He gives it, He doesn’t tell us what to do with it...and if He does tell us how to use it and we choose not to listen, He doesn’t force our hands. When God gives us gifts, we can choose whether or not to use them. Of course, He would prefer that we use them for His glory, but even if we don’t, He can allow them to prosper, at least to a certain extent. How do you think secular artists become popular? EVERY good and perfect gift comes from the Father of lights...even if we don’t thank Him for it.

In John 12:32 (NIV), Jesus says, “And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.” We see how much of an impact (both positive and negative) secular music has made in mainstream society, media, and culture. Imagine how much of a difference would be made if everyone acknowledged the one true SOURCE of music (because whether your fave wants to admit it or not, they were, directly or indirectly, influenced by gospel music in some way, shape or form). And guess what else? Even if an artist chooses to never acknowledge God as the giver of his/her gift, when Jesus comes back for His people, “every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:10-11 NIV). Oh, and I’d be remiss if I left out one of my personal favorites, Matthew 10:33 (NIV), “But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.” The creator always gets credit for His creation. The important question here is, are YOU giving credit where credit is due?

Watch Bishop Jakes’ full message below:

Forward Falls, Storybooks and Roller Coaster Rides (For 2019)

Hey everyone, I hope your holiday season was warm and bright. I’m back to blogging after a much-needed holiday hiatus, and, per usual, I’m in a space of reflection.

Image source: Pinterest

*cue music* “Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...”

A lot of changes have taken place since the last time I sat down to write. The first half of grad school is in the books (pun intended), and I did really well. Now that I’m at the end of the fall term, though, I’m coming to a weird realization: The best seasons of my life are the ones where I’m not in control. (And before you ask, yes, I am continuing my studies. I’m just re-evaluating where God is taking me...and how I’m getting there.).

Usually, I’m the look-before-you-leap type. Before I make a decision, I like to carefully weigh out the pros and the cons—to the point where I overthink them—and if the cons even slightly tip the scale, it’s an almost definite no every time. Even if I have no clue what I’m doing (which, honestly is most of the time), I like to feel like I know what’s coming next. Not this time.

Before I wrote this post, I went back and reread the one I wrote at the end of 2017. This time last year, I was so frustrated with God. I was in a drought season which lasted the entire year and spilled over into the beginning of this one. At the end of last year’s post, I asked God something I’d never wholeheartedly asked before. Inspired by Hillsong’s “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”, I prayed, “Lord, tear down the borders of my trust so I can be led by You even when things don't make sense. Even if the waters You lead me into look troubled or murky, even though I can't swim, strengthen my faith and give me the courage to go anyway. Position me to move, and prepare me to go forward without hesitation.” Looking back, that’s exactly what He’s done this year. A few months after I prayed that prayer, a season of enough began. I felt like I could trust Him because it seemed like He had stopped the drought and was finally sending rain. Now, the rain He sent feels like troubled water...but the thing is, I’m not troubled. I feel like I’m being rerouted again, but this time, I’m not worried. I’ve realized that the pulling and stretching I did last year wasn’t God stretching me. It was me...pulling away from Him. In 2019, I’m stretching toward Him. Falling again, not down, but forward...on a roller coaster ride. 

God is using this season of uncertainty to show me His sovereignty. I’ve said that before, but it’s different this time. I said, “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders,” so I shouldn’t have been surprised when He actually did it. It felt like He was throwing me for a loop, and then I remembered something that I hope you’ll take to heart, too: God can choose to “edit” your story at any time because He is the author of it. It’ll seem like an edit to you because you don’t get to proofread. The change will not be what you planned, but it’s no surprise to Him. He checked your story for errors before you were even formed (And since the only thing He CAN’T do is fail, spoiler alert: The ending is always victory). I feel a new song in my spirit for 2019: Tasha Cobbs Leonard’s “I’m Getting Ready” from Heart. Passion. Pursuit. (2017).

Victory is here

Kicked defeat out the door!

God’s doing a new thing

Get ready for overflow!

Here’s how I see it: If 2017 was lacking and 2018 was just enough, the logical next step is overflow! I’m learning that while it’s wonderful to expect increase, it’s not your job to know what’s next. The only thing God asks of you is surrender, because surrender is the signal that tells Him, “I’m ready!” He’s got the twists and turns covered. All you have to do is lean back, throw your hands up, and watch Him blow your mind. Happy New Year!

Examining the “Gray” Area: On the Outside Looking In

Yesterday, all my social media feeds were flooded with video footage of Pastor John Gray’s latest appearance on Sister Circle TV. When I saw that he was trending (again), my first thought was, What has #BlackTwitter found now? I love us, but we can dig into other people’s business like nobody’s business!

If you read this blog, you know that Pastor John and his wife, Aventer, are one of many couples that I admire. After watching John’s clip, I respect them even more. For those of you who disagree, read on and hear me out.

In the now-(in)famous 59-second clip (watch below), Pastor John honors Aventer, saying, “The wife that I chose is better than the man that I am...She’s had to cover me while I grow up.” That part of the conversation raised a few eyebrows, but it was what he said next that caused a social media uproar. He said, “My wife has endured more pain birthing me than both of our children.”



I can see how this could be interpreted as toxic masculinity, misogyny, and even an Oedipus complex, but let me explain what I think he meant by it. Actually, before I give my interpretation, I’ll insert a screenshot of Aventer’s Instagram response for further clarification:


Now, let me ground this biblically. Genesis 2:18, 21-22 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’...So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man” ‭‭(NIV‬‬). This was profound to me because as I read and reread it, I realized something: Men really need women. Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (NIV, emphasis mine). Nowhere in there does it say it is not good for the woman to be alone. I’ve always said that everyone has a purpose, a specific assignment to carry out. We are all a solution to a specific problem in the earth. In this case, the woman is the solution to a problem that the man has. Fellas, don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not trying to emasculate y’all here. What I’m saying is, there was a deficiency in Adam that he could not fulfill on his own. He, of course, could function without Eve, but the addition of her presence enhanced the garden and made it good. She was the favor factor, the missing link. Ladies, so are we! When “a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis‬ ‭2:24‬ ‭NIV‬‬), she assumes the role of rib and shields his heart from the outside world. She covers the core of who he is, the parts that only she and God can see, and helps him actualize greatness.

As a man’s rib, the woman was physically designed to fit him, but since he was created first, he may not necessarily fit her right away. This why Pastor John said Aventer is “two sizes too big” for him. She was tailor made for him, but she, as his wife, had to give him the grace to grow into who she needed him to be. Her love (and, of course, the love of Christ) shaped and refined him, but that doesn’t mean she settled. She didn’t just see his potential. She saw who she knew he already was in the Kingdom, and she chose to walk beside him.
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John Gray’s phrasing threw some people off, but I believe this is what he meant when he said Aventer went through birthing pains with him. She was helping him birth purpose! This does not negate the fact that Pastor John was clearly a broken man when they married. He admitted that himself, but he also said he didn’t understand how broken he was—which meant he couldn’t communicate that brokenness to Aventer effectively until she began to help him heal.

Ladies, in NO WAY does this make it okay for us to go out and try to fix broken men...and be careful who you label #RelationshipGoals! As we see, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. However, this IS proof that wedding vows are nothing to play with. When Aventer stood before God and everybody and said, “I take thee to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you" (The Knot), that agreement is binding! Sometimes that’s a good thing, and sometimes, it’s not. Either way, it entails honor. That means that when Aventer chose to have John as her husband, she had to hold him down...when it was good, bad, and ugly. She had to honor him whether he was the pastor of Relentless Church or the poorest man in town. Why? Because when she said those vows, she pledged her life to him—and here’s the part that so many critics are leaving out: When he said his vows, he also pledged his life to her. In that 59-second clip, we only heard about what she did for him. We don’t know the other side of the story of how he covers her, but he was also quoted as saying, “I’m gonna live the rest of my life to honor her.” I hope Pastor John is making up for lost time, becoming the man his family needs him to be...and I hope Aventer is not staying in a marriage that’s draining her. From the looks of her post, though, it seems like she’s got it covered (pun intended).

I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors in the Gray house, but I do know this: I pray that even in my singleness, God will dismantle the myth of the “perfect” man and send me the one whose heart I’m supposed to cover. I pray that He will give me the tools to simultaneously protect and be protected. I pray that regardless of the ups and downs my husband and I face privately, God will allow us to display honor, not so as to cover up dirt or scandal, but to keep people out of personal matters, especially when one or both of us is experiencing the vulnerability of growing pains.

Both the man and the woman should be working towards wholeness before walking down the aisle, but growth doesn’t stop when you get married. Growth is a continuous process, and marriage shines a light on the gray areas in your life that need improvement. When you get married, your struggles become your spouse’s struggles and vice versa. You work through issues together. Marriage is give and take, but what I see now is that it’s not always 50/50. Some seasons are 80/20, some are 60/40. The grace, the covering, is given to who needs it the most at the time. No outside questions should be asked, because most people are judging from the outside looking in. Now, can we please stop throwing stones inside of glass houses? I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of replacing shattered windows.