Hey everyone, I hope your holiday season was warm and bright. I’m back to blogging after a much-needed holiday hiatus, and, per usual, I’m in a space of reflection.
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*cue music* “Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...”
A lot of changes have taken place since the last time I sat down to write. The first half of grad school is in the books (pun intended), and I did really well. Now that I’m at the end of the fall term, though, I’m coming to a weird realization: The best seasons of my life are the ones where I’m not in control. (And before you ask, yes, I am continuing my studies. I’m just re-evaluating where God is taking me...and how I’m getting there.).
Usually, I’m the look-before-you-leap type. Before I make a decision, I like to carefully weigh out the pros and the cons—to the point where I overthink them—and if the cons even slightly tip the scale, it’s an almost definite no every time. Even if I have no clue what I’m doing (which, honestly is most of the time), I like to feel like I know what’s coming next. Not this time.
Before I wrote this post, I went back and reread the one I wrote at the end of 2017. This time last year, I was so frustrated with God. I was in a drought season which lasted the entire year and spilled over into the beginning of this one. At the end of last year’s post, I asked God something I’d never wholeheartedly asked before. Inspired by Hillsong’s “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”, I prayed, “Lord, tear down the borders of my trust so I can be led by You even when things don't make sense. Even if the waters You lead me into look troubled or murky, even though I can't swim, strengthen my faith and give me the courage to go anyway. Position me to move, and prepare me to go forward without hesitation.” Looking back, that’s exactly what He’s done this year. A few months after I prayed that prayer, a season of enough began. I felt like I could trust Him because it seemed like He had stopped the drought and was finally sending rain. Now, the rain He sent feels like troubled water...but the thing is, I’m not troubled. I feel like I’m being rerouted again, but this time, I’m not worried. I’ve realized that the pulling and stretching I did last year wasn’t God stretching me. It was me...pulling away from Him. In 2019, I’m stretching toward Him. Falling again, not down, but forward...on a roller coaster ride.
God is using this season of uncertainty to show me His sovereignty. I’ve said that before, but it’s different this time. I said, “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders,” so I shouldn’t have been surprised when He actually did it. It felt like He was throwing me for a loop, and then I remembered something that I hope you’ll take to heart, too: God can choose to “edit” your story at any time because He is the author of it. It’ll seem like an edit to you because you don’t get to proofread. The change will not be what you planned, but it’s no surprise to Him. He checked your story for errors before you were even formed (And since the only thing He CAN’T do is fail, spoiler alert: The ending is always victory). I feel a new song in my spirit for 2019: Tasha Cobbs Leonard’s “I’m Getting Ready” from Heart. Passion. Pursuit. (2017).
Victory is here
Kicked defeat out the door!
God’s doing a new thing
Get ready for overflow!
Here’s how I see it: If 2017 was lacking and 2018 was just enough, the logical next step is overflow! I’m learning that while it’s wonderful to expect increase, it’s not your job to know what’s next. The only thing God asks of you is surrender, because surrender is the signal that tells Him, “I’m ready!” He’s got the twists and turns covered. All you have to do is lean back, throw your hands up, and watch Him blow your mind. Happy New Year!