Wednesday, December 20, 2017

The Wait: The Unlisted List

In the last few posts, we've been talking a lot about Adam and Eve. We began the conversation with how "Adam" keeps his "Eden," and then segued into how every specific "Adam" is responsible for inviting a specific "Eve" into his garden. If the last two posts ruffled your feathers, you might want to buckle up for this one. Fasten your seatbelts and let's address the real elephant in the room: The List. Ladies, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Whether you've written it down or kept it to yourself, we all have a list of physical and character traits that we'd like our "perfect" "Adam" to have. We say, "He's gotta be this tall with this color eyes, this haircut, this job, and make this much money per year (because his money is our money and my money is my money...but that's a whole different can of worms 😂). Oh, and it would be nice if he could carry a tune, too." Then we have the audacity to put it in prayer form, complete with, "If it's not too much to ask..." and seal it with a fervent "Amen!" Sis, if you read the description above and subconsciously inserted extremely specific details, we've got work to do.

Transparency moment: Earlier this year, I was the girl who prayed that prayer, asking for a guy who was straight out of a fairytale that didn't exist. I even went as far as to list comparisons to other men I saw in the public eye. My list was like,

1) Loves God.

2 through 10) Height, looks, occupation, salary, etc.

11 through 42) Does [insert task] like [insert name here].

Then I saved the list in my phone. I left it there for a month or two, discussing it with people I trusted, and they told me that it was "solid" and "practical," but it wasn't sitting right in my spirit. First of all, I was thinking about it way too much, and secondly, honestly, some of it was shallow. So I did some soul searching. I asked myself if I'd check off most of the boxes on my own list. I checked off a few, but for some of those "boxes," the answer was a resounding NO. For others, it was more of, "I'm working on it." That evaluation taught me a few things. It taught me to separate standards--realistic, important things that could make or break a marriage--from things that weren't absolutely necessary, but would be nice to have in a partner. It also taught me that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, and showed me that the same grace I give myself (and more importantly, the same grace God gives me) is extended to the man that He has destined to be my husband. That's why I deleted that list--because God is God. He knows exactly what and who I need, and He has already created a mate for me...even if I haven't met him yet. I'll admit, I still have a list. You'll find it in my favorite scripture, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (NIV)

Whoever and wherever my husband is, I pray that he will have experienced this kind of love before he meets me, because this is the kind of love that only God can give. When you know for yourself that this kind of love exists, you won't settle for anything less. While I know my marriage will never be perfect, I pray that it will reflect the One who is.

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