How Do You Like Them Apples?

Happy Singles Awareness Day! I usually post around Valentine's Day every year about how excited and optimistic I am for the future, anticipating the day when God sends me a husband. This year, though, I'm not nearly as pressed as I used to be, and I’ve been digging a little deeper to really figure out why I want to be married. I'll admit, I'm a hopeless romantic, but I don't just want a nice wedding. I want a marriage that lasts. And if you don't know your "why" before you say "I do," you'll be tempted to say "I don't" when times get tough. In marriage, the "yes" should be unconditional and ongoing. One huge reason I desire to be married is because I believe that intimate companionship is important. Not only that, but there’s purpose attached to marriage. Marriage is a ministry. We are all called to minister in different ways, but regardless of where a person is called to serve, every ministry begins in the home. The first person to reap the benefits of my close relationship with God is myself; the second person who reaps those benefits is my spouse. As God pours into me, I become better equipped to pour into my husband, and vice versa. The way we pour into each other will affect how we pour into our children. Our pour into them will affect how they pour into the people in their world, and before we know it, our marriage ministry will have global impact.

With that being said, before I settle down, I have to make sure I’m not settling. There is a difference. Let’s go apple picking.

Image source: Trip Advisor

Personally, I love the juicy crispness of a perfectly ripe apple—but it wasn’t until recently that I considered what happens between the time it’s picked off the tree and the first bite. Before it lands in the produce section at the local grocery store, it must first be inspected. For example, according to the United States Department of Agriculture, the highest grade of apple, called U.S. Extra Fancy, must be “mature but not overripe, clean, fairly well formed, free from decay, internal browning, internal breakdown, soft scald, scab, freezing injury, visible water core, and broken skins. The apples are also [deemed to be] free from injury caused by bruises” and so on and so forth before they are approved for sale and consumption. If you read between the lines, this is a whole word! 

Apple picking is not a casual task. Single ladies, when you examine the fruitfulness of a man, look closely! Make sure he’s pulled together and well-formed, whatever that looks like to you. I mean, c’mon, sis, you’ve gotta look at him every day! 😂 All jokes aside, though, being “well-formed” on the outside is cool, but the inside is even more important. A wise man once said, “Don’t get so caught up in how they’re formed that you miss what they’re full of” (shoutout to Pastor Keith Battle)! A “grade A” man is mature, but not overbearing, and able to lead well. Look at his heart and make sure it’s not decaying; rotting and breaking down under the weight of his past, self-doubt, and/or malice. Most apple inspectors steer clear of scabs and bruises, but in this case, as humans, we should extend grace. A man can have scabs and bruises and still be considered “grade A.” Scabs and scars indicate that he has healed in some areas and is still healing in others. Just make sure he’s not trying to reopen old wounds. He may have been hurt before, so his water core—his tears—may only be visible to you. If he trusts you enough to be vulnerable with you, you should be honored. In human terms, a “visible water core” is a good thing. It means his heart hasn’t experienced a freezing injury. It may have been broken before, but it’s still warm, which means he has the capacity to give you the love you deserve. Some types of healing can only take place within the marital covenant. God will teach you how to deal with that.

Keep in mind that nobody’s perfect, but it’s very important to choose wisely! The same goes for the fellas. The fruit your future spouse bears is the fruit your future seeds will eat...and what they eat, they will produce. If you need a reminder of how one bad apple spoiled the whole bunch (literally all of mankind), just flip back to the story of Adam and Eve in the book of Genesis. How do you like them apples?

ANWA Live! DC Recap + Artist on the Rise: Rich Tolbert, Jr.

Hey y’all, happy new year! Wait, is it still socially acceptable to say that? January’s almost over! Anyway, it’s been a minute since I did a concert recap, but I’ve got a brief one for you, plus an artist on the rise that you’ll want to be on the lookout for: Rich Tolbert, Jr. Let’s rewind it back to Monday. 

Monday night, I attended ANWA Live! DC, an extension of an effort implemented by the All Nations Worship Assembly, a network of churches that seeks to plant sanctuaries all over the nation. The initiative is spearheaded by the senior pastor of All Nations Headquarters in Chicago, IL, Apostle Dr. Matthew L. Stevenson III. I entered the Columbia Heights Education Center anticipating a mighty move of God, and I got exactly what I came for. Benita Jones set the pace for the evening with soaring vocals and fresh fire. Todd Dulaney took us “Back To The Book” (that’s his new EP, available for pre-order as of yesterday) with a soul-stirring rendition of Psalm 23, and Apostle Matthew Stevenson followed up with a powerful prophetic flow. Finally, JJ Hairston took us home with his worship staple, “You Deserve It”—but the highlight of the night for me was Rich Tolbert, Jr.

Rich Tolbert, Jr. / Image source: Singersroom

I’ve been singing Rich’s anthem, “Never Be Defeated” over myself since summer 2019, when I saw him at City of Praise’s Planted conference with Campfire Movement. I didn’t record his performance of the song then because I was deep in worship, but something in my spirit said, This song will shake the nation. I followed him on Instagram the next day, sensing that it would only be a matter of time before his career really took off—and I was right. This was around the time that JJ Hairston’s “Miracle Worker” album was released, and Rich is featured on the title track as both singer and songwriter. As “Miracle Worker” began to buzz, “Never Be Defeated” and “Isn’t He Beautiful?” another of Rich’s songs that has not yet been released, started to gain traction.

Ever since Planted, I told myself I was going to make it my business to see Rich live again. I wanted to get another chance to fully appreciate the song that has been the soundtrack of my life for the past six months, so when I heard that he’d be in DC for ANWA Live!, I jumped at the opportunity to go (AND it was free!). Rich’s sound is unlike anything I’ve heard before. It’s hard to put into words, but I think the best way to describe it is...the sound of freedom. There’s an undignified quality in it, a boldness that is absolutely electrifying. It set something off in me!

I’ve decided that “Never Be Defeated” will be my stomp-on-the-devil’s-head song for 2020. The song itself is almost 19 minutes long (including the reprise) but I play it on loop tirelessly. Whenever I sing it, it makes me feel empowered. It reminds me Who’s in control, Who holds the future. 

And because God is the greatest power, / We shall never, never be defeated. Because the greatest power lives in me, I have the power to declare a thing, and it shall be so:

I SHALL rise!

I SHALL be!

I SHALL go in VICTORY!

No weapon formed against me

Will EVER overtake me (emphasis mine)!

The declaration is simple, but it makes my spirit leap. And this next part is where I come thisclose to shouting:

The devil is a liar, God is exalted / Never be defeated, never be defeated. Rich repeats this over and over until I believe it—and everybody around me does, too. I play this aloud in my house like, “The devil IS a liar! We all gon’ catch this Holy Ghost fire!” It’s literally impossible to sit still while listening to this song. And don’t even think about playing it while driving (unless you’ve got time to pull over, because ready or not, here comes the anointing)! And if you like “Never Be Defeated,” you’ll love what’s coming next in Rich’s arsenal. As I mentioned earlier, the studio version of “Isn’t He Beautiful?”, which I think is his next single, isn’t even available for purchase yet, and it’s already taking churches across the country by storm. 

God is a “Miracle Worker,” and in Him, we’ll “Never Be Defeated.” As we marvel at His magnificent works and unceasing victories, we’ll behold His face and say “Isn’t He Beautiful?” Stay tuned, because God is just getting started with Rich Tolbert, Jr. He’s definitely one to watch in 2020 and beyond, and I personally can’t wait to hear what God uses him to say next.

Check out Rich's performance of "Never Be Defeated" at ANWA Live! DC below:

Surrendering My 2020 Vision

Sisters, how are y’all feeling? Brothers, are y’all alright? Merry Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa...whichever holiday(s) you and yours celebrate, I hope the season has been good to you. Listen, I know it’s been awhile since we’ve talked, but life (and grad school) took up a lot of my time. Now that winter break is upon us, I’m back to blogging.

Image source: Getty, via Forbes

Usually when I take a break from blogging, it’s because of creative burnout. I either let the numbers get to me, or I just feel like I don’t have anything to say at the moment. This last hiatus, however, was different—and intentional. While this pause was primarily to focus on grad school, I also needed to take some time to dream with God and tell Him what I want to do for His Kingdom. I was recently given Michelle Obama’s memoir, Becoming, as a gift, and I plan to use this word as my mantra for 2020. I haven’t started reading the book just yet, but the title alone has inspired me to try to figure out who/what He wants me to become. I’ve always heard people allude to Habakkuk 2:2, the Scripture that reads, “Write the vision and make it plain.” I had my own ideas about who I thought God was calling me to be, so I’d write down all the things I wanted to accomplish and then include if it be Your will as an afterthought. The problem was, I allowed my thoughts to “talk over” His voice—that is, until I read the verse above in context. 

Habakkuk, the man that this particular book is named for, is a prophet. He asks God, “GOD, how long do I have to cry out for help before you listen? [...] Why do you force me to look at evil, stare trouble in the face day after day” (Habakkuk 1:2-3, MSG)? Habakkuk is frustrated because all he sees around him is danger, death, and destruction, and he can’t understand why it seems like God isn’t doing anything about it. Angrily, he asks, “Why are you silent now? This outrage! Evil men swallow up the righteous and you stand around and watch” (Habakkuk 1:13 MSG)! Personally, I can’t tell you how many times this year I’ve been angry at God, how many times I’ve cried out to Him and felt like He wasn’t hearing me, and wasn’t trying to do anything to change my situation. At a point, I even asked Him, “God, why does it seem so easy for other people to get ahead while I’m struggling?” Nothing made sense to me until I read Habakkuk 2:2 again. 

This time, I studied the Contemporary English version, “Then the Lord told me: ‘I will give you my message in the form of a vision. Write it clearly enough to be read at a glance.’ The MSG version says, “Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run.” Just as God spoke to Habakkuk, He spoke to me as I read. He said, “Remember that assignment you keep picking up and putting down? That was My idea. Don’t abandon what I gave you.” So, I purposely got quiet so I could hear what He has to say about my goals. And then came the revelation: I’ve been writing the vision and making it plain right here on this blog. That’s why my tag line is, “Where music is diversified, message is simplified, and Christ is glorified.” My purpose is to simplify His message so that His people can read it on the run...as they run towards Him!

And the Contemporary English version clarified it even further, “At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting— it will happen” (Habakkuk 2:3)! The moral of the story is that our hopes and dreams do matter to God. He considers us in His plans because we are the vessels that He uses to carry out those plans. The vision for our lives is His and not our own. That’s why it’s important to take everything to Him in prayer and make sure to get His stamp of approval.

Daring to dream with God means surrendering our vision to Him, trusting that He can see what we can’t. We can rest in knowing that if He said it, it WILL happen—but only when He says it’s time. While I wait, I’m challenging myself to hold on to what I know He promised me. I hope you’ll do the same. Let’s BECOME together. Happy New Year!

The Wait: The Art of Being Content

So, Thursday was not only October 3rd (for those of you who appreciate a good Mean Girls reference), it was also my favorite internet “holiday”: National Boyfriend Day! As you can see in the picture below, invisi-BAE is still fine! 😂

Image source: Getty

No, but seriously, if you’ve been following this blog, you know that I write about the wait A LOT. I’m a thinker who likes to use similes and metaphors, so the flowery “just smile and wait on God” stories I put out might’ve sounded polished when published, but behind the scenes, it wasn’t pretty at all. I was frustrated because while I encouraged my readers to wait well, I wasn’t taking my own advice. The truth was that the wait was consuming me. I was getting lost in impatience and losing sight of my purpose—but when I tell you God got me ALL the way back together, I mean it. 

Last year on the eve of my 24th birthday, I wrote a post entitled “Practicing Contentment,” a “woe is me” moment I had in the thick of singleness in which I told God, Listen, I’m getting impatient. I mean, I don’t want You to feel like I don’t want You just because I want a husband...but just in case You forgot since the last time I prayed about it (which was last night), I really, REALLY want a husband. Not now, but RIGHT NOW. Amen.

In hindsight, I’m not sure why I thought He’d send me a husband when He knew I wasn’t letting Him be enough for me. He knew I wasn’t content, so of course, He made me wait longer so He could teach me how to wait.

Currently, I’m in a very sober-minded season where God is showing me His face. And in showing me Himself, He’s also showing me ME—which is both beautiful and frightening all at the same time. I not only see myself for who I am, but He’s heightened my discernment and revealed who other people are, too. His voice is louder and clearer now as well, because it doesn’t have to compete with constant overthinking about when “the one” will show up in my life. Now, I’m just allowing Him to show up and be who He is to me.

My priorities have changed, and I’m proud to say that contentment isn’t just practice for me anymore. For the first time in my adult life, I’m actually okay with just Jesus. In fact, He’s more than enough. I needed to realize that now, before marriage. That realization has saved my husband from having to try to fill a God-sized space in my heart. I know now more than ever that that is not his job. I’m using present tense here because I believe that God has a husband for me out there somewhere. I’ve said that in many posts before, but I think deep down I was skeptical—and honestly, that was because I was having a temper tantrum inside like, “But DAAAAAADDD! It’s not fair! Where’s mine?!” This time around, I’m not salty about my singleness because I’m looking at it through new eyes. I’ve finally figured out that God’s “not yet” does not mean “never,” even if the wait is long. My husband will find me when God says it’s time, and I intend to be living my best life when he comes. 

Habitation 2019: A Recap

There was no blog posted last week because I spent Wednesday through Saturday in Orlando, FL for a life-changing few days of Pastor William McDowell's Habitation conference, where the theme was “As it is in Heaven.” I’ve been talking about attending Habitation for the last four or five years, but every year, something came up and I wasn’t able to go. Each year in the third week of September, I’d live vicariously through pictures and videos on social media, and long to be there in person. This year, I felt an especially strong pull to attend, and everything lined up perfectly, so I jumped at the opportunity and registered minutes after the site opened.

I’ve been to a few conferences over the years, so I prepared for the usual. I packed my Sunday best and a few comfy items to travel in, and brought extra makeup so I could beat my face—because 1. Things like this are typically recorded and 2. You never know who you’ll meet. I just KNEW I was about to be ready for my close-up, and I was—just not the kind of “close-up” I expected. I was running late the first night so I ended up just throwing on a Jesus tee and some jeans and opted to skip the makeup. It was a good thing I did, because the glory in the place hit us like a tidal wave! I quickly learned that Habitation was not a “cute” conference, but if you go, you should be ready for your close-up: an up close and personal, face-to-face encounter with God. After the move that took place on Wednesday, I decided that I needed to wear comfortable clothes and shoes every day of the event. God needed me there just the way I was, with no frills, no makeup and flexibility to flow with His spirit. It wasn’t about being seen, but rather, hearing and being heard by Him. 

Each day, God revealed Himself to us more and more as we basked in His presence. The glory was tangible as He breathed on us. The anointing swept over the room as we cried out to Him in worship, and I watched in awe as people from all over the world laid on their faces in between the rows of seats to reverence Him. The sermons, given by an array of prolific speakers, preachers, and teachers, were so poignant and timely.

Even the psalmists, the who’s 
who of gospel and CCM, were in rare form. Tasha Cobbs Leonard and Nathaniel Bassey wrote songs on the spot in spontaneous worship, and Steffany Gretzinger’s set was so intimate, it almost felt as if it shouldn’t have been recorded. If you know me, you know I love a good concert. I’ve been to about 65 concerts in my lifetime, and most of them have been gospel. I usually try to record as much of a show as I can, to watch it later for memory’s sake—but this was different. This atmosphere required you to be fully immersed in the moment. It was perfect for tapping into God’s voice. 

Friday, Pastor William McDowell, the facilitator of Habitation, released his new album, The Cry. The first single on the project is called “I Don’t Wanna Leave,” a sweet song that invites the presence of God in. It essentially became the unofficial musical theme of the conference, and it embodied exactly how I felt when Habitation ended.

The song says:

Surrounded by Your love

I found a place of peace

Found a place of grace

Wrapped in Your embrace

And I don’t wanna leave

Here in Your presence

Such a sweet release

I can feel Your joy
Rushing over me

And I don’t wanna leave

On Saturday, I said I didn’t want to leave Habitation, but it wasn’t just that I didn’t want to leave the event itself; I didn’t want to leave the atmosphere that was set there. I’ve known God personally for 19 of my 25 years, and I’ve never felt Him move the way He did in that space. He’s been speaking to me so clearly in the last week, it’s almost frightening. Because of what He imparted to me in the sweet stillness of Action Church, I’ve never been more sure of my purpose than I am right now. This was my first Habitation experience, but it definitely won't be my last.

I was listening to “I Don’t Wanna Leave” on the flight home yesterday, and I heard God say, “You don’t have to.” I was trying SO hard not to ugly cry, but the revelation was too great: Habitation is held annually, but it’s not an event you go to just for the sake of tradition. It’s not a conference, it’s a lifestyle, a heart posture. God inhabits the praises of His people. That means Habitation happens inside of you. If you invite Him in, He’ll meet you wherever you are, and you won't ever have to leave His presence. So, let it be on Earth as it is in Heaven.

*All images are from Instagram. Visit www.habitationconference.com for information and updates about Habitation 2020.

#WednesdayWisdom: #NoFilter

I didn’t know what I was going to write for today, so I got quiet and let God tell me what His people needed to hear. This post went from 0 to 100 REAL quick because He said, “Tell them what I told you.” This week’s #WednesdayWisdom has #nofilter.

Image source: Peta Pixel

Many people ask me how I know God is real. I know He’s real because of who He’s been to me. Notice, I didn’t say “what He’s done for me.” As I’ve grown in my Christian walk, I’ve learned that if you really want to know God, you should ask to see His face instead of His hand. You’ll see who He is when you ask Him to show Himself to you. You’ll see Him most clearly when you try (and fail) to do things in your own strength. If there were no situations in our lives where we had to trust Him, if we could do it all ourselves, what would we need Him for? God will let you get thisclose to rock bottom so you’ll recognize and acknowledge that you need Him.

I’m reminded of Jason Nelson’s song, “I Am.” In it, he lists who God is to us, but what gets me is when he says that God says, “Just let Me be who I am for you.” I know it’s not comfortable to admit this, but the truth is, we’re not strong enough by ourselves. Here’s the good news, though: God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness. 

I was raised on the belief that “You only get one chance to make a first impression.” I got saved at 6 years old, but it wasn’t until my 20s that I realized that that principle doesn’t apply to God. I’m naturally empathetic. I was (and still am) the “go-to girl” for other people to vent to. It was like I had a sign on my forehead that said, “Got problems? Share them with me!” I was always the listening ear, and I never told them about anything I was going through because I didn’t want them to feel like they were burdening me with their issues. I felt like I had to be the one who had it all together for them, but behind closed doors, I was collapsing under the weight of their problems and mine. To my surprise, as I brought other people’s requests to God and asked Him to heal their hearts, He reassured me! He said, “I already know who you are. You don’t have to impress Me. Just press in to Me.” In those moments, I confessed what God already knew—I was broken, too. I learned how to cast my cares on Him, and I was astounded. For the first time in my life, I could hear Him speaking to me about me. Now, I know that my responsibility as an empath and encourager is to help people give their issues over to God, just as I do myself. 

Your prayers don’t have to be riddled with “thees” and “thous” in order for God to hear you. Getting to know Him is simple. Just go to Him broken and ask Him to fix you. Your brokenness is healed in his presence. Too many of us are afraid to admit (to God and to ourselves) that we’re broken, because society has conditioned us to look whole on the outside when we’re shattered on the inside. God is not Facebook or Instagram or Twitter. You don’t have to put on a filter for Him. He doesn’t expect you to be perfect, because He already is. Admission is the first step to recovery. Get real about your pain so you can get restored! Remove the filter and let Him do His job.

The Wait: Act Like You Know

Over the past three days, I read a Bible plan on the YouVersion Bible app called "Waiting Well."

Image Source: YouVersion

If you’ve been following this blog for any length of time, you know that I’ve spoken candidly and extensively about “the wait” in the past. It’s become sort of a series, beginning with my thoughts on saving sex for marriage, and continuing on how to wait for pretty much everything. Since this plan is called “Waiting Well,” I figured it would be the perfect way to jump back into the topic, and the principles here can apply to whatever you’re waiting for. I took notes each day as I read and compiled them into one post. After you sift through my major takeaways, I encourage you all to walk through the plan on your own time. It’s definitely worth the read.

Day one of the “Waiting Well” plan requires us to read Psalm 27:7-14 and 1 Samuel 1:1-11. Here’s what I got from it: Take your burdens to God. Just because you don’t have the thing you want right now doesn’t mean you won’t ever have it. Trust God’s timing and stand on His promises. He has not forgotten you. God remembered Hannah and gave her the son she longed for—in His timing, not hers. God rewards us with the desires of our hearts when the posture of the heart is bowed down to Him. 

And this was, in my opinion, the most important thing to remember: There was no guarantee that God would answer Hannah’s prayer and she believed for it anyway. We have to have faith in the midst of uncertainty even when our preferred outcome isn’t guaranteed—because even if He doesn’t do the thing we want Him to do the way we want Him to do it, He’s still good. 

Day two’s required reading was 1 Samuel 1:12-28, and I was getting revelation after revelation. In these verses, Eli initially thought Hannah was drunk until she clarified that she was praying. Don’t let people make you think that your praying is silly just because they don’t understand it or because it doesn’t look like what they think prayer should look like. Everyone communicates with God differently. No matter what, stand on what God promised you! 

This plan links directly to a sermon I’ve been binge-watching for the last few days called “Crazy Faith” by Pastor Mike Todd. He breaks down the definition of “crazy” as it pertains to faith in part one of the sermonic series. Watch the clip below (source: YouTube):

Secondly, Hannah promised that if God gave her the child she desired, she’d give him back to God—and she did. Maybe the reason why God is making us wait for what we want is because He wants to make sure that when He gives it to us, we’ll give Him the credit, the recognition, the acknowledgment, and the tithes that He deserves. Nothing we get belongs to us. Everything we have should bow in reverence to Him. If He’s holding out on the promise, perhaps He wants to make sure not only that we can trust Him, but also that He can trust us.

This led me to one of my go-to scriptures, Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” I read that verse whenever my faith needs a pick-me-up, and even though it wasn’t required for this particular reading plan, I thought it was fitting. Pastor Todd referenced it in yet another excerpt from part one of his “Crazy Faith” sermon (source: YouTube):

If we don’t believe the promise itself is substantial, tangible, attainable, our faith will be more prone to waver. If your hope is not SUBSTANTIAL; if it bends in the face of adversity, if it can’t stand up to uncertainty and doubt, then it won’t hold up long enough to see the EVIDENCE of the promise!

Day three focused on several verses (1 Samuel 2:1-10; Jeremiah 29:11; Philippians 1:6; 1 Corinthians 1:8; 2 Timothy 1:12), and taught us that in order for your faith to be substantial, in order to see the physical evidence of what you hope for, you have to act like you KNOW! Even if you don’t know how or when things will turn around for you, you know Who you believe in, and you know He always causes His children to triumph. Ironically, today’s “verse of the day” in the Bible app is Deuteronomy 31:6, “'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you'” (NIV). Faith moves its feet. Fear stays stagnant and stuck. Neither one knows what’s next, but only one chooses to move forward. One holds you back, the other takes you in the direction of your purpose. Which one will YOU choose? Everybody’s waiting for something. Whatever you’re waiting for, wait well.