So, Thursday was not only October 3rd (for those of you who appreciate a good Mean Girls reference), it was also my favorite internet “holiday”: National Boyfriend Day! As you can see in the picture below, invisi-BAE is still fine! 😂
|Image source: Getty
No, but seriously, if you’ve been following this blog, you know that I write about the wait A LOT. I’m a thinker who likes to use similes and metaphors, so the flowery “just smile and wait on God” stories I put out might’ve sounded polished when published, but behind the scenes, it wasn’t pretty at all. I was frustrated because while I encouraged my readers to wait well, I wasn’t taking my own advice. The truth was that the wait was consuming me. I was getting lost in impatience and losing sight of my purpose—but when I tell you God got me ALL the way back together, I mean it.
Last year on the eve of my 24th birthday, I wrote a post entitled “Practicing Contentment,” a “woe is me” moment I had in the thick of singleness in which I told God, Listen, I’m getting impatient. I mean, I don’t want You to feel like I don’t want You just because I want a husband...but just in case You forgot since the last time I prayed about it (which was last night), I really, REALLY want a husband. Not now, but RIGHT NOW. Amen.
In hindsight, I’m not sure why I thought He’d send me a husband when He knew I wasn’t letting Him be enough for me. He knew I wasn’t content, so of course, He made me wait longer so He could teach me how to wait.
Currently, I’m in a very sober-minded season where God is showing me His face. And in showing me Himself, He’s also showing me ME—which is both beautiful and frightening all at the same time. I not only see myself for who I am, but He’s heightened my discernment and revealed who other people are, too. His voice is louder and clearer now as well, because it doesn’t have to compete with constant overthinking about when “the one” will show up in my life. Now, I’m just allowing Him to show up and be who He is to me.
My priorities have changed, and I’m proud to say that contentment isn’t just practice for me anymore. For the first time in my adult life, I’m actually okay with just Jesus. In fact, He’s more than enough. I needed to realize that now, before marriage. That realization has saved my husband from having to try to fill a God-sized space in my heart. I know now more than ever that that is not his job. I’m using present tense here because I believe that God has a husband for me out there somewhere. I’ve said that in many posts before, but I think deep down I was skeptical—and honestly, that was because I was having a temper tantrum inside like, “But DAAAAAADDD! It’s not fair! Where’s mine?!” This time around, I’m not salty about my singleness because I’m looking at it through new eyes. I’ve finally figured out that God’s “not yet” does not mean “never,” even if the wait is long. My husband will find me when God says it’s time, and I intend to be living my best life when he comes.