The Wait, Part 4: Married & Young Challenge (Perspective Prayers + Avoiding Idolatry)

Saturday, I joined a Facebook group called M&Y Saved and Single (5 Day Challenge). This group, run by husband-and-wife team Jamal and Natasha Miller, co-founders of Married and Young, includes singles from all around the world who are preparing for marriage. This FREE challenge, which begins July 31st, is designed to teach those of us in a season of singleness how to pray for our future spouses (even if we haven't met the person God has for us yet). As I mentioned in my last post, I've been thinking about marriage a lot lately. Since I was a little girl, I've always pictured myself being married (and yes, I AM that really annoying person who already knows what colors and music I want for the reception 😂), but this is...different. I've never had a "right time" set for marriage, never a specific age "requirement" to be married by. If you had asked me at 21 or 22 if I was ready for marriage, I would've resoundingly said NO. In this first month and a half of 23, though, something has shifted. I'm not dating anyone, and I don't even see any "prospects" on the horizon right now. To some, this may sound "crazy," but I feel God positioning me for marriage.

Image source: Facebook

I joined Jamal and Natasha's challenge group by happenstance when their live broadcast appeared in my Facebook feed. When I signed up, I felt excitement coupled with a sense of peace that I've never experienced before. I'm not afraid of where God is getting ready to take me, I'm just optimistic about the future. The challenge hasn't even officially started yet and I'm already being blessed by the nuggets of wisdom and encouragement that the Millers and various members of the group are posting on the Facebook page. Before the challenge officially starts and we begin praying for our future spouses, Jamal and Natasha are giving us a kick-starter course on how to get ourselves right spiritually before God brings us the right person.

This morning, Jamal shared a powerful word about perspective, explaining that we need to humble ourselves before God. We need to recognize the one-sided lens through which we see ourselves and acknowledge that because God is omnipotent, He can see us from every angle. Once we recognize that, we have to open up to see ourselves the way God sees us, so He can repair the broken areas before He sends us a spouse.

Jamal also touched on another subject that really resonated with me: How to separate earthly, spousal love from God's love. He explained that in relationship with our spouses, we need to be careful not to place the selfish burden of supernatural love on to our natural spouse. They shouldn't have the responsibility of providing us with a love that only God can give. That's deep! It made me think of something I saw on Instagram Sunday night. Ironically, one of my favorite poets, Jackie Hill-Perry, made a short video geared toward--of all things--women praying for God to send them a husband. Right in my wheelhouse. The clip had a playful tone to it at first, but then, Hill-Perry became serious. She said:

"Sometimes you hear the saints talk about the type of husband they want [and they say], 'I just need a man that's going to love me with all his heart all his mind and all his soul.'...This is the thing: We do want spouses who love us well, clearly, but if that's all we're praying for, that's not enough. What you have to pray for is a husband that loves God more than he loves you, because it's his love for God that's gonna make him love you well.

I think some of these women don't realize what they're saying when they say [they want a man who loves them with his all]. So you want to be an idol? You want to be a golden calf to a man? That's not what you want. You don't want a man who worships you. You want a man who worships God, and through his worship of God, he honors you."

This is exactly what I've been praying about.

Marriage has been weighing on me heavily in the last month or so, but I'm being careful not to be consumed by the idea of it, especially since I've never been married before. If I blow the idea of marriage out of proportion during my season of singleness, it may be harder to appreciate the union that God gives me. No relationship is perfect. My goal is to approach this season with realistic expectations. Let us pray.

God, I come to You asking for guidance in this season. I feel You shifting me towards something new, telling me to position myself to be married. As I and other singles reading this begin to prepare for covenant, I pray that You will open our eyes to the areas we need to work on in our own lives. And while the work is being done within us, we trust that You are also preparing the heart of the one You designed specifically for us. Help us to learn not to question or rush You. Help us to surrender our lives and desires to Your will, knowing that You know exactly what and who we need. And when You send us our future spouses, help us not to worship each other or the idea of marriage, but to focus on You, the One who knew us before the beginning of time, the One who loves us better than anyone on earth ever could. Most importantly, let our lives and our unions be a reflection of who You are.

In Jesus' name we pray,

Amen

To join the Married & Young Single and Saved 5 Day Challenge, click here. Challenge starts July 31!

The Wait, Part 3: The Hook-Up on REALationships (feat. Bruno Mars' "Marry You")

I've been thinking about marriage a lot lately. I'm not necessarily ready to get married right this second, but it's been on my mind heavily in the past couple of months. On my 23rd birthday last month, I shared my views on abstinence, and I've also discussed how to stay encouraged while God has you on reserve. In this installment of "The Wait," I'd like to speak to something that troubles me. This is "The Hook-Up."

Image source: Inner Bonding

Since I knew I wanted this post to be about marriage, I took some time to try to think of some songs about matrimony. One of the first tunes that came to mind was "Marry You" by Bruno Mars, from his 2010 album, Doo-Wops & Hooligans. I was 16 when this song came out and I absolutely LOVED Bruno Mars. I still do. I remember riding in the car blasting it at top volume and belting, "Just say I dooooo-ooooo-oooo-oooo!  / Tell me right now, baby!" It was so catchy, one of those songs that made you feel happy inside. "Who cares, baby? I think I wanna marry you!" Yes, I still remember all the words. But I'm not 16 anymore. Back then, I wasn't thinking about marriage. Re-visiting that song after I've lived a little more life has caused it to take on a whole different meaning for me: a not-so-happy one.

Bruno Mars - Doo-Wops & Hooligans (2010) album art / Amazon

The song opens with the chorus:

It's a beautiful night, we're looking for

something dumb to do

Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you

Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this 

dancing juice?

Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you

Right off the bat, this song trivializes marriage as "something dumb to do," and it sounds like the speaker is drunk and just seeing his love interest across the room at a club since they're drinking "dancing juice." They speak of marriage with an air of nonchalance: "Who cares, baby, I think I wanna marry you."

I know "Marry You" is 'just a song,' but this concept is disturbing when we take into account that the relationship described in this song actually happens in real life. This generation's view of love is so skewed. It's sad. Our society has been tainted by hook-up culture. We're all about instant gratification when it comes to relationships and so many other things. Emotional connection and communication isn't important anymore. Nowadays, everybody wants to skip learning about each other and go straight to sex.

The Spouse House / TLC - DCL

I was watching a fairly-new show on TLC the other day called The Spouse House, where singles are put together in a house for 60 days, and if they're not pairing up almost immediately, they get "evicted." Basically, it's 'fall in love now...or else.' I paid close attention to one couple in particular who had brief history years before the show, and a conversation they had led to one of the biggest epiphanies I've had in life thus far. The woman asked the man if he loved her. He said, "I was attracted to you sexually before the show. I'm attracted to you physically [referring to her looks], and I'm starting to be attracted to you emotionally. I'm falling in love with you." That's when it hit me. This is why a lot of relationships/marriages don't work: Men are attracted to women sexually first, then physically, and THEN emotionally. And a lot of times, they think they're ready to marry based only on sexual and physical attraction, oftentimes not even giving themselves time to form an emotional attachment at all. So they tell us women what we want to hear because most of us look at attraction first from an emotional standpoint, then physical, and THEN sexual...the complete opposite of how men approach attraction.

So when Bruno Mars sings,

If we wake up and you want to break up

That's cool

No I won't blame you

It was fun girl

He probably really means it. It was "fun" for him, because 1) he was drunk, and 2) he wasn't emotionally invested in her. Chances are, it wasn't "fun" for her, though, because by that point, she's probably developed feelings for him (at least on some level, assuming the hangover has worn off). There are so many things wrong with this picture.

Often, relationships fail because people simply aren't on the same page: One or both parties fail to clearly outline ALL the expectations they have for the relationship FROM THE BEGINNING. This is why, in my opinion, it's best to wait until marriage to have sex. Sex opens up a big can of worms, making people think they feel emotions that they may not actually feel for each other. Make sure what you feel for the person is what you truly feel in your heart, and not just how they make you feel in the bedroom.

Image source: Pinterest - Loveless Galleries

I've spoken about relationship goals in a couple of posts on this blog, emphasizing that we shouldn't pay too much attention to a lot of celebrity couples because we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I said we shouldn't look at couples like Ciara and Russell Wilson, Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin, etc. and think that what they have is perfect, because it probably isn't. While I don't think it's healthy to idealize these relationships and try to emulate them in every aspect, I think it is okay to look at what they showcase on social media and pay attention to the ways they do love right. The snippets of their relationships that we see appear to be proof that the right way is the Christ way. Love works for both of these couples and so many others (Kirk and Tammy Franklin, Warryn and Erica Campbell, Travis and Dr. Jackie Greene, Willie and Patricia Moore, Jr., William and LaTae McDowell, Jamal and Natasha Miller, John and Aventer Gray...the list goes on), because they keep Christ at the center. I look at their love and take notes of bits and pieces of things I want in a relationship, everything from family values and how they pray for and with each other to how they nurture and appreciate each other's gifts. I don't want a relationship EXACTLY like any of the couples listed above because no two love stories are the same. However, there is value in seeing positive, achievable relationship goals while I wait. Here are a few of my REALationship goals:

1) I want my marriage to be a positive projection of the love my future children will deserve, in life in general and in their own marriages.

2) I want my future children to see a love that is attainable, a love that endures, but I also want them to see that love is not all fun and games. It's hard work and commitment.

And most importantly,

3) I want my marriage to be a reflection of Christ's love.

If it wasn't sent by God, I don't want it. I want something real, and I won't settle. For now, I'm content with waiting on His perfect timing.

As Pictures Speak (Inspired By Beleaf In Fatherhood)

I'm a blogger, but I'm also a poet. I started writing poetry about three and a half years ago as a hobby, but I soon realized it was more than that: It's one of my gifts. I find myself struggling with writer's block a lot, so I like to challenge myself to look in unconventional places for inspiration. A couple weeks ago, I was scrolling through Facebook, and I saw a father's day advertisement from As I Am. It was a video where a black father was doing his son's hair and speaking affirmations over him. I  was moved by the ad, which eventually led me to the Beleaf In Fatherhood YouTube channel.

As a YouTube junkie, I'm always looking for more vloggers to watch, especially content creators of color. Representation matters! After watching about three videos featuring stay-at-home dad/rapper Beleaf (Glen Henry), his wife Yvette, and their three adorable #ChocolateBabies, Theo, Uriah, and Anaya, I was sold. Superb editing, cool music to vibe to, and most importantly, the Henrys are Christian. I subscribed and followed the family on all their social media accounts, including Instagram, where they share beautifully candid photographs of their adventures. Browsing through the photos, I found myself working through my writer's block.

One photo in particular caught my eye. It's a simple black-and-white shot dated September 2, 2016, with the caption, "Besties," featuring Theo and Uriah, shirtless, bright-eyed, and smiling. The boys are smiling in nearly every picture on all of the Henrys' Instagram pages,  but for some reason, the purity and innocence of the picture moved me. Suddenly, I knew why.

"Besties" / Instagram

As a writer, and more specifically, as a black writer, I feel compelled to write primarily about the experiences that Black people face--the good, the bad, and the ugly. Black men don't usually smile in pictures. As I began to write, I thought about the significance of that, and the result was the following poem, "Black Boy, Smiling."

Black Boy, Smiling

For now, black boy, in the innocence of youth, you smile in every picture. In stark contrast to gravity-defying, dark brown hair and smooth cacao skin, teeth, small and white, spread apart knowingly in anticipation, to make way for the big boys in a few years. The teeth, solid and sure, are prepared for the fall. The smile, yielding and unguarded, is not.

For now, black boy, your smile bursts confidently from your face in bouts of pure joy, like stars across the clearest night sky, but if the world has its way, your smile will be conditioned to hide its brilliance, and your lips will learn not to speak, but to become black hole. If you let it, the world will teach you to swallow sadness and fear, bottling it up in a permanent lump in your throat, so pride can never go down easy.

For now, black boy, in the innocence of youth, everything and nothing is black and white. For now, everything is simple, and you don't know the difference. You don't see color, and everything around you is vibrant and promising. One day, you will realize that more often than not, promises are broken. Gray areas exist. And everything, to some degree, is divided into black and white. On those gray days, I pray that you remember the magic your smile possesses, and that you will somehow, in spite of, find the strength to keep that smile from falling.

A picture really is worth a thousand words, I guess. Sometimes, it's worth more than that. It's amazing what God gives us when we listen as the photo speaks for itself. May Theo and Uriah Henry, and every black man who was once a black boy, always remember that his smile is one of the most powerful things he owns.

Concert Recap: Upper Room COGIC's #WU2L

Last weekend, I visited Upper Room COGIC in Raleigh, NC for their Wake Up 2 Life concert featuring Todd Dulaney, Kierra Sheard, and Zacardi Cortez. It was more than just a concert, it was the perfect praise smorgasbord, with some of everything: a little old-timey church from Zacardi, some sanctified swag from Kierra, topped off with an eclectic mix of acoustics, reggae, and contemporary worship from Todd.

Event flyer / Upper Room COGIC's Facebook page

In my concert reviews, I always mention how the "appetizer(s)" have to be en pointe in order to set the proper atmosphere for worship to flow. The appetizers this time left me so full, I almost didn't have room for the entrées — almost. The first few openers were local and semi-local artists from Durham and Charlotte, but they lit a fire under the audience and kept us on our feet, singing covers of songs like Micah Stampley's upbeat call-and-response hit, "Be Lifted" and a few others, setting the tone for a spirit-filled night. Just when I thought the appetizer round was over, Upper Room served up a pleasant surprise, their own Senior Pastor, Bishop Patrick L. Wooden, Sr. The man can SING. It's not uncommon for most pastors to at least be able to carry a tune, but Bishop Wooden is the real deal. He sang a few songs, including one or two that he wrote, and his incredible range — from clear falsetto to smokey baritone — kept first-time listeners like me interested.

Bishop Patrick L. Wooden, Sr. / Upper Room's website

Now, onto the three entrées — yes, plural. They were all so wonderful, I couldn't choose a favorite. First up was Zacardi Cortez. I'll admit, I was most excited to see him because I've been following his career for a number of years now. His voice on CD is out of this world, but hearing it live is a WHOLE different ball game. The Texas native started out joking with us about wearing boots under his church suit, but when he closed his eyes and belted that first note, "Let Your power fall..." everyone stood up and every hand lifted as the power of God literally fell over the entire congregation. By the first ridiculous (in a good way) run ("Prooo-ooooove the dooooubters wrooo-ooong!"), I was through, screaming "YES!" at the top of my lungs and swatting at him, all while trying to record. (I'm uploading the videos now. Let me apologize to my headphone users in advance 😂). I almost couldn't pull it together during his rendition of "The Blood," but I had to regain my composure for my absolute favorite, "1 on 1," from his 2014 album, Reloaded. Needless to say, "Cardi" definitely didn't disappoint.

Reloaded (Deluxe Edition) album art / Amazon

Next up to the mic was Kierra Sheard. Can we talk about how "Kiki" and I are friends in my head? No, but seriously, she's so cool: always fashion-forward, body-positive (as a plus-size girl myself, I appreciate how she embraces her "thick"), and she's constantly dropping godly wisdom on her Instagram and her blog. And homegirl can BLOW. Her set catered to the younger crowd, and she invited tweens, teens, and young adults closer to the stage to rock with her — literally. After she apologized to the pastor for wearing pants (lol), we bopped through almost all the songs she performed, starting with "God in Me," the hip-hop-inspired feature she recorded with gospel duo Mary Mary, and ending with her latest crowd favorite, the uber-catchy "Hang On" with GEI. She even invited a young girl onstage to sing with her during "Hang On." To the audience's delight, the starlet-in-training, a member of Upper Room's youth choir, held her own and nearly matched Kiki run for run. Between the upbeat tracks, Kierra paused for a few classics like "I Love You (Lord Today)" and "In the Name of Jesus."

Graceland (2014) album art / Amazon

Last but certainly not least was Todd Dulaney. Before this concert, I didn't know too much about him, but I'm familiar with his 2013 single "Pulling Me Through" from the album of the same name. Also, I absolutely LOVE his current radio singles "The Anthem" and "Victory Belongs To Jesus." They are the reasons I purchased his latest album, A Worshipper's Heart, which released in 2016. After seeing him live, I'm definitely sold. Todd's "Worshipper's Heart" is evident in his music, and the songs he performed were a refreshing combination of acoustic and reggae-infused pieces. His set was the perfect blend of get-up-and-dance and lift-up-your-hands worship. It primarily showcased music from his most recent project. He (fittingly, since it was raining) began with "Dance In The Rain (Jump And Dance)" followed by "Free Worshipper," then transitioned into an epic three-part finale featuring his current hits "The Anthem" and "Victory Belongs to Jesus" (during which his background singers KILLED their solos! I've got goosebumps all over again!) and of course, the pièce de résistance, the ever-popular "Pulling Me Through." After the show, I got a chance to meet Todd, and if I wasn't already a fan, his humility alone would've sealed the deal (even if he did misspell my name when he signed my CD lol). Upper Room COGIC's Wake Up 2 Life show had something for everyone, kids and kids-at-heart alike. It was a praise party that left the hearts of all the worshippers full to the brim.

The Wait, Part 2: Stay Lit

In my last post, I spoke openly about my choice to remain abstinent until marriage. In a recent conversation with a friend who is also single, we talked about marriage 'qualifications,' discussing the qualities we look for in men, and also pondering why we are still single. My friend, an extrovert, expressed concerns about being "too much," explaining that she has a "strong personality" and is unafraid to speak her mind. I'm an introvert, but I can relate. Once I'm comfortable around someone, I tell it like it is (carefully, because I believe we should say everything in a loving way, as Christ would). Still, I feel like a lot of people don't know how to take my straightforwardness coupled with my confidence.

Like my friend, I used to think I was "too much," too; so much that I felt like I was being overlooked. The New King James version of Proverbs 18:22 reads, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." I don't usually cite the New Living Translation, but in this case, I think it's more relatable to my wait. It reads, "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord" (emphasis mine). Treasure is often buried. As I've gotten older, I've realized I'm not being overlooked. I'm being hidden. There's a difference.

When you're special, God takes you out of the crowd and places you where you can only be found by others who are diligently seeking Him. If you could see yourself the way God sees you, you'd understand why He set you apart. We reflect His light, and because it's so bright, some people are afraid of its brilliance. Sometimes fear and intimidation cause them to look away. Truth is, you will be "too much" for some people, and that's perfectly fine. Some people will never recognize what you're worth, but your value isn't diminished just because they can't see it. In fact, you are so valuable to God that He has seen fit to put you on reserve for only those who truly respect your worth, those who understand and appreciate the treasure that you are.

While God has me in hiding, I'm working to do my part to prepare for the main stage. I know that if He sees us working hard in private, He'll move to bless us in public...and our public blessings become our testimonies. Here's the key, though: I'm not working on myself for a husband. I'm working on myself FOR MYSELF, so that I can be pleasing in God's sight. If God is not pleased, then there's no point. When God sees you on the straight and narrow (or at least trying to be), He'll reward you with the desires of your heart...but it's up to you to set yourself up to receive the blessing.

Lighter Flame Burning GIF / Best Animations

Even if you're battling loneliness in your single season, you shouldn't ever feel like you have to settle for just anybody. You're not just anybody; you're everything God says you are, and there is someone out there who needs everything you have to offer. You won't be too much for the right person. Stay lit! Matthew 5:16 says, "...let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (NIV). You owe it to God to shine. Don't dim your light to please anyone, and don't worry about setting qualifications for your future spouse, either. God knows exactly what and who you need. Trust that He is preserving you for a person who meets His specific qualifications for your life. His plans are always better than ours. He'll send you somebody who knows that you're His somebody, and finds value in that. Have faith that God is saving His best for you. You're more than just one person's "good thing," you're a light in a dark world, and you are lighting a path for many. You are worth the wait. Shine on.

The Wait: Dating, Sex, & Looking Beyond Boaz (feat. Tori Kelly's "Dear No One")

As of today, I'm 23 years old (happy birthday to me!) and I've never been on a date. I've had crushes, but they either didn't like me back or I just stopped keeping in touch with them. Per my mother's rules, I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, but before I knew it, 17, 18, 19, 20 passed by, and still, no boyfriend. I watched several friends and acquaintances settle down, get married and start families, and I started to wonder if something was wrong with me. I often joke that Tori Kelly's song "Dear No One," from her 2015 album Unbreakable Smile, is pretty much the story of my life.

Tori Kelly - Unbreakable Smile album art / Amazon

Verse 1:

I like being independent

Not so much of an investment

No one to tell me what to do

I like being by myself

Don't gotta entertain anybody else

No one to answer to

I personally feel like I have a lot to offer. I'm an independent, God-fearing, college-educated woman who strives to live a virtuous life. I'm not the prettiest in the world, but certainly not the ugliest (lol), I have self-confidence and a good head on my shoulders.

Hook:

But sometimes I just want somebody to hold

Someone to give me their jacket when it's

cold

Got that young love even when we're old

Yeah, sometimes I want someone to grab

my hand

Pick me up, pull me close, be my man

I will love you 'til the end

So why wasn't anyone pursuing me? I think part of the answer to that question is because I've chosen to uphold a standard of purity in my wait. I'm abstaining from sex until marriage. I don't go around talking about my virginity, but if it comes up in conversation, people look at me like they're waiting for a halo to appear. I've learned that I'm a rare breed. I've had people tell me that my standards are too high, and that I'm never going to find a man who won't pressure me to have sex with him. I told myself that they were right. I wouldn't find him...he'll find me. I still believe that, and I will not compromise.

I don't believe in dating for recreational purposes. Yes, getting to know someone should be fun, but the ultimate goal of dating is marriage. Sex complicates that because the more people you sleep with, the more soul ties you have, and soul ties are hard to break. If you don't break them before marriage, you're taking the risk of bringing everyone you've ever slept with into the marriage bed with you, which is a major threat to your marital covenant. I want my soul to be tied only to the man I am absolutely sure God has tailor made for me. There was one problem, though. The same way society would pressure me to have sex, I was also pressuring myself to be prepared for my Boaz. Ladies, there are a couple of things wrong with setting your sights on your Boaz. 1) There was only one Boaz. 2) Your sights should not be set on Boaz, or any other man, for that matter. They should be set on God.

I read an article the other day on Married and Young called "What If God Doesn't Send Your Boaz?" It touched on how Christian women have idealized Boaz into this perfect person that we subconsciously expect every man, especially the man who finds us, to be. The article provided examples of other Biblical men who were strong, but flawed, and posed a simple question for those of us waiting for Boaz: Will we be prepared if, instead of sending us Boaz, God sends us a man who is a work in progress? If He sends us a man who needs to lean on us in order to walk in the fullness of who God called him to be, will we be ready to support the weight of the call? In order to be able to be the woman our not-so-Boaz needs, we have to work on ourselves first.

Ladies (and gents! This applies to all singles), we need to stop focusing our season of singleness ONLY on preparing for marriage. Let God work on you for your own sake. Have you considered that maybe God wants to see how you love your neighbor & yourself before He completely entrusts you with one specific person's heart? Find people in need of love/encouragement/friendship in your community and extend yourself to them without expecting anything in return. If necessary, unfollow all those "perfect" couples you've idolized  as #RelationshipGoals on social media. The grass is not always greener on the other side (and if it is, it can be especially toxic to covet that, particularly if you're feeling lonely).

In your season of singleness, ask God how He wants YOU to improve, and perhaps most importantly, learn to love yourself at every stage of improvement! Don't worry about the finish line while you're running the race. Just make sure you're running in the right direction, towards God, and ask Him to make you whole. You owe it to God, yourself, and the person He has for you to make sure you don't enter a relationship/marriage while broken. A happy marriage is one where two people who have been made whole in Christ form a union strong enough to weather all of life's storms.

I don't know about everyone else, but God is still working on me. I still have some areas that need fixing. I'll never be absolutely perfect, and I look forward to growing even more when I'm married to the man God has for me. "Dear No One" is just one chapter of my life, not the whole story, but I'm learning to be content in my singleness because I know that you can't find true happiness with someone else without first finding it within yourself. I say all that to say this: "I'd love to have a soul mate / And God'll give him to me someday / And I know it'll be worth the wait."

Dear No One,

If you're reading this, I swear to be good to you, but I'm done looking. To find me, you'll have to ask God for directions. This is your love song...for now, at least. Hope floats.

Hurry Up and Wait (feat. Travis Greene's "You Waited")

Gospel artist and pastor Travis Greene's new single "You Waited" has been stuck in my head since it was released on May 12th. I learn lyrics super fast, so the first time I heard it, I was pretty much already singing along with it by the chorus. For the past few weeks, I've caught myself singing, "And You, / You waited for me, / Just for me..." without even thinking about it. I love music so much, I often find myself learning the lyrics to songs just to sing them. There's a difference between just knowing the words to a song and actively listening to it. Actively listening to music, especially gospel, requires feeling it as well. When I stopped singing along and allowed myself to feel the lyrics, they hit me like a ton of bricks.

Travis Greene - "You Waited" single artwork / Amazon

Verse 1:

You came out of Your way

You sat down to speak to me

What amazing grace

That You've shown,

So patiently

God does not have to speak to us at all. He chooses to extend Himself to us because He's gracious, and since His thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9), He waits patiently for us to process what He's saying. He deposits things inside of us and waits for us to use what He's given us for His glory.

Verse 2:

You called out my name

Knew my past

Covered my shame

This amazing grace

You've shown,

So patiently

You've shown,

So patiently

God knows exactly who we are because He created us. In spite of all the sins we've committed and all the wrong we've done, He calls on us to use our past experiences, especially those we deem shameful, as a testimony to bring people to Him. However, because we are human, pride, embarrassment, fear of being judged, fear of not being accepted, not being good enough etc., gets in the way and we ask God to wait until we are ready to share our stories and gifts.

Our gifts will always be there, right? We can choose to use them whenever we're ready. WRONG. The same way God gave you the gift, He can take it away if He sees it laying dormant. We sometimes forget that our gifts are not our own. It's not up to us to choose when we're ready to use them (Besides, if we wait until we are completely "ready," we'll never use them!). We're always asking God to do things for us, and whether we want to admit it or not, we expect Him to do them on our time. When we don't get what we want right away, we subconsciously yell, "Hurry up, God! Do it now!" How can we ask so much of Him while we're being stingy by keeping our gifts to ourselves? God was gracious enough to give them to us, the least we can do is give them back to Him.

Testimony time: In my sophomore year of college, I started writing poetry. I wrote poems consistently almost every day, but I didn't know what to do with them. Since I believe that, in the words of Aristotle, "We are what we repeatedly do," I was calling myself a poet, but only in private. I knew there was a spoken word group on campus, but I thought, I'm new to this. Nobody wants to hear my work. What if everyone else's poems are better than mine? In the midst of my doubt, I heard a voice loud and clear that had to be the voice of God, I gave it to you for a reason. Use it. He didn't have to tell me what "it" was. I quietly went to the first Can-I-Poet meeting fall semester of my junior year, and as the weeks and months went by, I felt more and more comfortable sharing my work with the group. By fall of senior year, I was ready to perform.

I chose a piece I'd written called "Ode to a Dark-Skinned Girl," about the underappreciation of dark-skinned black women in society. As soon as I took the microphone, it felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest. My legs were reduced to spaghetti, and I was shaking like a leaf, but I DID IT. I read a poem in front of an audience for the first time, and afterwards I almost felt silly for being so nervous. Everyone really liked it. That night, two other "dark-skinned girls" I had never met before came up to me with tears in their eyes. One of them said, "Thank you. Your poem was everything I've been trying to put into words for a long, long, time. It made me feel beautiful." The voice in my head said, See? I told you so.

"And You, / You waited for me / Just for me..." That was two years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. That moment moved me in a way I can't explain. God waits for us to use our gifts because He knows there are people who need to hear His voice through us. Stop making God wait. Stop sitting on your gift and answer when you hear His call. Don't wait for the right moment, the perfect time, next year, or even tomorrow. His timing is always perfect. It might feel uncomfortable at first. You might not feel ready yet, but do it now, even if you have to do it afraid. There's somebody out there who needs your gift right now. Seek God and ask Him where and how to use it.