Queens Don't Chase: The Dangers of Pursuing Potential

A while ago, a friend of mine asked me why she always seemed to attract the wrong guys. We listed all the things she had going for herself: She's intelligent (with two degrees under her belt), funny, she can cook, and she loves Jesus. I added, "You're pretty, too!" The smile melted from her face and she said, "Yeah...but I'll never have a shot with [insert name here] because I'll never look like that," comparing herself to the "models" she's seen on Instagram. She explained that, while she was proud of her accomplishments, she felt "overqualified" for a relationship because most guys she liked didn't care how smart or ambitious she was. In fact, she told me some of them were turned off by her passion for success. She said they only cared about girls with perfectly filtered bodies and fake personalities to match, and that each time she'd like a guy, the relationship would end before it even started, even if it seemed like there was "potential." As soon as she used that word, I understood why none of those would-be situationships lasted. Sisters, I've got three words for you: QUEENS DON'T CHASE (and we definitely don't pursue potential)!

Image source: Pinterest

I explained to my friend that when you know your worth, you know that potential is just that...potential. Potential is not the same as progress. If it's not going anywhere, you owe it to yourself to move on. The problem wasn't just that my friend attracted the wrong guys, the problem was the ungodly environment she found them in. The environment, quite literally, separates the men from the boys. So I said, "Sis, you need to be around guys who will appreciate what you have to offer, who know what a privilege it would be to 'have a shot' with you." Then, I reminded her of who she was. "You're the prize. The prize doesn't present itself to the prize winner. The winner works to earn it."

Think about it, ladies. Drive, ambition and real, useful skill sets are a turn-off to a shallow guy, not a guy who has his priorities in order and knows what type of woman would really be beneficial to where he's going in life...assuming he has real dreams and aspirations, that is (because let's be real, not all of them do 😂). And not only is the guy who finds those things to be a turn-off really shallow, he's also really weak. A lot of times guys who are turned off by your accomplishments are really intimidated by you, and don't know how to approach you. If he's turned off by your accomplishments, he might have an inferiority complex. A man who's confident in who he is is not intimidated by a woman with a good head on her shoulders.

I write a lot about the hurry-up-and-wait tug-of-war in what feels like a perpetual season of singleness--and I'll continue to write my way through it until marriage. The struggle IS real, but this conversation was a necessary reminder of why I won't settle for less than a Godly man. I need a man with GODfidence--a confidence that can only come from God. He should be secure in his gifts but only boast in the Lord. My Godly man will see who I am in Christ and won't be intimidated by where I'm going, where God is taking me, because he'll see himself going in the same direction.

The bottom line is, looks DO matter...but they aren't everything. The right(eous) man will find beautiful parts of a woman that go beyond her face and body. He'll see past "pretty" on the surface and fall in love with the praying, purpose-driven woman that will one day raise his children. Shallow men stay in the shallow part of the water. They don't dive deep beneath the surface because they're afraid of what they'll find...not in the person they're looking at, but within themselves. Queens, what's for you will pursue you. Stop running after a man! Pick up your crown (and your cross) and run with Christ instead.